Thursday, August 12, 2010
You're Annoying
Dear one-note actors, wannabe celebrities, and opinionated talking heads. Actually, why am I speaking in plurals? It's really just the three of you. I find you annoying.
Michael Cera. Your schtick was cute on Arrested Development. But then you did it again in Superbad. Ok, it's one movie, I could handle that. But then you did it again in Juno. Then you did it again in Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. Then you did it again in Year One (ok, actually I just assume you did, I couldn't stomach watching that one but I did see the previews so I know you did). Then came Youth In Revolt... now Scott Pilgrim. Please stop playing this nerdy, supposedly endearing man-boy. It's not working anymore. I see you on talk shows and I just cringe. And please get a new hairstyle. This lion thing is not working for you.
Perez Hilton. You are an embarrassment to all gay people. You've become rich being a sassy bitch, criticizing celebrities for being fat (the pot calling the kettle black), making fun of their fashion sense (um, have you looked in the mirror?), made 'celebrities' out of people, like you, that have no talent and should not be celebrities, spouted moral-less values to anyone that will listen ("sleep your way to the top"?), showed you can dish it out but you can't take it (Black Eyed Peas anyone?), and showed a new generation that you can make a living simply by being vapid, materialistic, rude & judgmental. I don't understand why you are famous and I wish there was some way that you would realize what a waste of space you are and go away.
Nancy Grace. Just looking at you creeps me out. The tilted down, evil face. The pointed nose. The heavy makeup. The helmet hair. The pant suits. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for your tone and condescension. Your opening preview of your show feels like it lasts for half the program. It's puffed up, exaggerated and falsely urgent. Everything is breaking news. Everything is shocking. Then anyone that doesn't agree with you is torn to shreds, interrupted, talked down to, and generally dismissed. I'm not sure why anyone comes on your show that doesn't want to be a yes person for you. I just find your kind of news to be impossible to watch. The only thing I enjoy is when you say Jean Casarez and it sounds like jinkasaraus. That's the closest your humorless show comes to any sort of comedy.
Rant over, haha.
